Every Picture I take, I pose a threat

garbageurl:

do you ever print out something for school that’s so undeniably terrible that you gotta say a silent apology to the tree that died for your sins 

officialunitedstates:

He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the toolbox.  He wasn’t even in the toolbox.  Humans usually can’t fit in there.

roselastrider:

>gettin hot and heavy w/ a girl

>she then tells me to talk dirty

>tell her that 10% of the world’s carbon dioxide emissions are stored in dirt

>she’s still turned on and now she knows a little more about mother earth

>copulate and educate

(via eyedea-lives)

meladoodle:

*prosecuting lawyer voice* i have only one question for the defendant… ‘guiltypersonsayswhat?’
“what?” 
haha owned you’re going to jail

(Source: meladoodle, via mydrunkkitchen)